Michel de Montaigne, Philosophy Quotes on Education

I would like to suggest that our minds are swamped by too much study and by too much matter just as plants are swamped by too much water or lamps by too much oil; that our minds, held fast and encumbered by so many diverse preoccupations, may well lose the means of struggling free, remaining bowed and bent under the load; except that it is quite otherwise: the more our souls are filled, the more they expand; examples drawn from far-off times show, on the contrary, that great soldiers ad statesmen were also great scholars. (de Montaigne)

I think it better to say that the evil arises from their tackling the sciences in the wrong manner and that, from the way we have been taught, it is no wonder that neither master nor pupils become more able, even though they do know more. In truth the care and fees of our parents aim only at furnishing our heads with knowledge: nobody talks about judgement or virtue. When someone passes by, try exclaiming, ‘Oh, what a learned man!’ Then, when another does, ‘Oh, what a good man!’ Our people will not fail to turn their gaze respectfully towards the first. There ought to be a third man crying, ‘Oh, what blockheads!' (de Montaigne)

We readily inquire, ‘Does he know Greek or Latin?’ ‘Can he write poetry and prose?’ But what matters most is what we put last: ‘Has he become better and wiser?’ We ought to find out not who understands most but who understands best. We work merely to fill the memory, leaving the understanding and the sense of right and wrong empty. Just as birds sometimes go in search of grain, carrying it in their beaks without tasting it to stuff it down the beaks of their young, so too do our schoolmasters go foraging for learning in their books and merely lodge it on the tip of their lips, only to spew it out and scatter it on the wind. (de Montaigne)

Their pupils and their little charges are not nourished and fed by what they learn: the learning is passed from hand to hand with only one end in view: to show it off, to put into our accounts to entertain others with it, as though it were merely counters, useful for totting up and producing statements, but having no other use or currency. ‘Apud alios loqui didicerunt, non ipsi secum’ [They have learned how to talk with others, not with themselves] (de Montaigne)

Whenever I ask a certain acquaintance of mine to tell me what he knows about anything, he wants to show me a book: he would not venture to tell me that he has scabs on his arse without studying his lexicon to find out the meaning of scab and arse.
All we do is to look after the opinions and learning of others: we ought to make them our own. We closely resemble a man who, needing a fire, goes next door to get a light, finds a great big blaze there and stays to warm himself, forgetting to take a brand back home. What use is it to us to have a belly full of meat if we do not digest it, if we do not transmute it into ourselves, if it does not make us grow in size and strength? (de Montaigne)

If our souls do not move with a better motion and if we do not have a healthier judgement, then I would just as soon that our pupil should spend his time playing tennis: at least his body would become more agile. But just look at him after he has spent some fifteen or sixteen years studying: nothing could be more unsuited for employment. The only improvement you can see is that his Latin and Greek have made him more conceited and more arrogant than when he left home. He ought to have brought back a fuller soul: he brings back a swollen one; instead of making it weightier he has merely blown wind into it. (de Montaigne)

And I loathe people who find it harder to put up with a gown askew than with a soul askew and who judge a man by his bow, his bearing and his boots. (de Montaigne)

Learning is a good medicine: but no medicine is powerful enough to preserve itself from taint and corruption independently of defects in the jar that it is kept in. One man sees clearly but does not see straight: consequently he sees what is good but fails to follow it; he sees knowledge and does not use it. (de Montaigne)

.. since it was true that study, even when done properly, can only teach us what wisdom, right conduct and determination consist in, they wanted to put their children directly in touch with actual cases, teaching them not by hearsay but by actively assaying them, vigorously molding and forming them not merely by word and precept but chiefly by deeds and examples, so that wisdom should not be something which the soul knows but the soul’s very essence and temperament, not something acquired but a natural property. (de Montaigne)

But in truth I know nothing about education except this: that the greatest and the most important difficulty known to human learning seems to lie in that area which treats how to bring up children and how to educate them. (de Montaigne)

Socrates and then Archesilaus used to make their pupils speak first; they spoke afterwards. ‘Obest plerumque iss discere volunt authoritas eorum qui docent.’ [For those who want to learn, the obstacle can often be the authority of those who teach] (de Montaigne)

Those who follow our French practice and undertake to act as schoolmaster for several minds diverse in kind and capacity, using the same teaching and the same degree of guidance for them all, not surprisingly can scarcely find in a whole tribe of children more than one or two who bear fruit from their education.
Let the tutor not merely require a verbal account of what the boy has been taught but the meaning and substance of it: let him judge how the boy has profited from it not from the evidence of his memory but from that of his life. Let him take what the boy has just learned and make him show him dozens of different aspects of it and then apply it to just as many different subjects, in order to find out whether he has really grasped it and made it part of himself, judging the boy’s progress by what Plato taught about education. Spewing food up exactly as you have swallows it is evidence of a failure to digest and assimilate it; the stomach has not done its job if, during concoction, it fails to change the substance and the form of what it is given. (de Montaigne)

The profit we possess after study is to have become better and wiser. (de Montaigne)

Nor is it enough to toughen up his soul; you must also toughen up his muscles. (de Montaigne)

Teach him a certain refinement in sorting out and selecting his arguments, with an affection for relevance and so for brevity. Above all let him be taught to throw down his arms and surrender to truth as soon as he perceives it, whether the truth is born at his rival’s doing or within himself from some change in his ideas. (de Montaigne)

As for our pupils talk, let his virtue and his sense of right and wrong shine through it and have no guide but reason. Make him understand that confessing an error which he discovers in his own argument even when he alone has noticed it is an act of justice and integrity, which are the main qualities he pursues; stubbornness and rancour are vulgar qualities, visible in common souls whereas to think again, to change one’s mind and to give up a bad case on the heat of the argument are rare qualities showing strength and wisdom. (de Montaigne)

In his commerce with men I mean him to include- and that principally- those who live only in the memory of books. By means of history he will frequent those great souls of former years. If you want it to be so, history can be a waste of time; it can also be, if you want it to be so, a study bearing fruit beyond price. (de Montaigne)

The first lessons with which we should irrigate his mind should be those which teach him to know himself, and to know how to die … and to live. (de Montaigne)

Since philosophy is the art which teaches us how to live, and since children need to learn it as much as we do at other ages, why do we not instruct them in it? (de Montaigne)

Any time and any place can be used to study: his room, a garden, is table, his bed; when alone or in company; morning and evening. His chief study will be Philosophy, that Former of good judgement and character who is privileged to be concerned with everything.
(de Montaigne)

For among other things he had been counseled to bring me to love knowledge and duty by my own choice, without forcing my will, and to educate my soul entirely through gentleness and freedom. (de Montaigne)

Learning must not only lodge with us: we must marry her. (de Montaigne)

Part Three - Your way of thinking

Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

This is Dale Carnegie's summary of his book, from 1936

Part One - Handling People

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

This is Dale Carnegie's summary of his book, from 1936

Help! I Don't Like My Teacher

Help! I don't like my teacher! - School can be a nightmare if you don't get on with your teacher. Here are some advices on what to do if you think your teacher is picking on you, or if you just can't stand them.

Step 1: Be a good student

If you're not getting on with your teacher it could be because you are not doing the work that is required of you. Don't give your teacher a reason to get angry with you. Be on time for classes, and make sure your homework is done. Remember that you are in class to learn.

Step 2: If you think your teacher is picking on you

It might be that the teacher just has a different style that you're not used to. Observe the way the teacher treats all the students. If they're equally strict on everyone, then they're not picking on you. But if you really think the teacher is mistreating you, then you need to report that to another member of school staff or your parents.

Step 3: Talk about the problem

If you're having problems with a particular teacher, don't keep it bottled up inside. If you don't feel comfortable talking to the teacher directly about the problem, then talk to someone else, such as your parents.

Good luck ;)

Ella

Create a positive attitude for your life

Another research I have made for you based on the idea of comparing optimists with pessimists. Being self interested in improving myself, I always find articles and books that inspires me. I believe that all this information are quite useful likened to apply them into my life.

How To Be Optimistic

Is good to understand first the differences between being skeptical and being pessimistic. Being skeptical can be a healthy way to avoid getting taken advantage of; but being pessimistic is always assuming the worst and this attitude can have major negative consequences on your life.

This negative aspects of any situation can cause you to miss opportunities, neglect problems that need to be solved, and fail to take action that would otherwise improve your relationships and quality of life.

Optimists, so much more at peace with the world, train themselves to look for the light at the end the tunnel. If you've always had a pessimistic world view, it can be difficult to shift your focus, but it is possible to start seeing the glass as half full.

Here I found some Steps that may help you learn how and what can be improved and in which way:

1. Let go of the Assumptions

Assuming the world is against you, or that you were born with a gray cloud over your head. It is an assumption that has no basis in reason or science.

Believing that the universe or a spiritual entity has singled you out and shifted the world order just to make your life miserable is both self-centered and illogical.

Be humble and stop pretending you've got the world all figured out. Everytime you can realize that bad experiences lead to good experiences. If you can't predict the future, so you can't assume it'll always be bad.

2. Look for the source of your pessimism.

Deep-rooted negativity can often be traced to childhood experiences, when growing minds observe their circumstances and make presumptions about how the world functions. If all you saw growing up were disappointments, betrayals and failure, it's no surprise that now it's what you expect from the world as an adult.

Sometimes we pick up a flair for pessimism from a parent who made negative assumptions about the world somewhere along the line. Either way, the sooner you can attribute your pessimism to a unique set of circumstances rather than the state of the world itself, the easier it'll be to change your perspective.

3. Understand that the past does not equal the future.

Just because you've experienced pain or disappointment in the past does not guarantee that it's all you'll experience in the future. There were many things in your past that you couldn't control, and everybody comes across unfortunate circumstances at some point in their lives - you're no exception.

But there are also many things in life we can control to one degree or another, and therein lies the possibility of change. A day or week that starts badly will not necessarily end badly. Do not make a bad start turn into a self fulfilling prophecy for a bad ending.

4. See yourself as a cause, not an effect.

You don't have to be a product or a victim of your circumstances. Stop thinking about what is happening to you and start thinking about what you can make happen.

If you're not happy with the way your life is now, set goals and move on. Use your past negative experiences to build character and make better decisions, instead of letting pessimism turn you into someone who avoids risk at all costs.

Sometimes it is necessary to take risks to receive rewards. Moreover, taking no action is taking an action. It is better to play to win rather than merely to avoid losing.

5. Accept pain, failure and disappointment as a part of life, not the entirety of it. Life involves taking many risks every day, and not all of them will end positively. That's what defines risk.

But the flip side is that some actions will lead to good results, and it's generally better to have a mixed bag than to have nothing at all. Ideally, the good stuff will outweigh the bad, but you'll never reach that point unless you put yourself out there and hope for the best.

When in doubt, remember Lord Alfred Tennyson's words of wisdom:

I hold it true, whatever befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.

6. Be thankful.

Everyone has something to be grateful for. Make a list of the good things that have happened to you. If nothing instantly springs to mind, you aren't trying hard enough.

The key to being an optimist is recognizing the benefits and possibilities of any situation, and understanding that it could always be worse. If all else fails, think of how life could be worse, and flip the thought process to recognize what you do have.

For example: "I'm flunking out of school" can turn into "Well, at least I have a chance to go to school, and I still have time to turn my grades around."

Get a notebook and a pen, and write down all the good things that you have. Every time you are feeling negative, read through them and remind yourself that it's not all bad.

7. Use positive affirmations.

Write down short statements that remind you of what you're trying to change about the way you see the world. Put them in places where you'll see them every day, such as on your bathroom mirror, the inside of your locker, on your computer monitor, and even taped to your shower wall.

Some affirmations to start with are:

* "Anything is possible."
* "I create my circumstances, my circumstances don't create me."
* "The only thing I can control is my attitude towards life."
* "I always have a choice."
* "Look at the little things in life that are good and it will make your life a WHOLE lot better"

8. Remember that life is short.

When you feel pessimism clouding your judgment or you start to feel down about the future, remind yourself that every minute counts, and any time spent brooding guarantees nothing but less time to enjoy whatever life might have to offer.

At its core, pessimism is impractical because it causes you to spend time dwelling on things that haven't happened yet and aren't guaranteed to happen, and it prevents you from getting things done.

Pessimism breeds indecision. It's a waste of time, and time is a limited resource that you can't afford to take for granted.

9. Be a balanced optimist.

Nobody's suggesting that you become an oblivious Pollyanna, pretending that nothing bad can or ever will happen. Doing so can lead to poor decisions and invites people to take advantage of you.
Instead, be a rational optimist who takes the good with the bad, in hopes of the good ultimately outweighing the bad, and with the understanding that being pessimistic about everything accomplishes nothing. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best - the former makes you sensible, and the latter makes you an optimist.

Tips

* Look happy.

Studies have shown that putting a positive expression on your face can actually make you feel happier and more optimistic about the future.

* Practice by conveying these ideas to others.

If you hear someone being pessimistic, counsel them based on these steps. Sometimes it's easier to understand a perspective if you explain it to someone else first.

* Always make the effort to try and find something good in every bad situation.

It may be relatively minor in the scope of things, but there is always something positive to be found. It may seem silly at first, but as it becomes a habit, you will see that your attitude begins to change.

* Make a list of the things you want, imagine yourself already having them, and use the subconscious mind to put your optimism to work.

Warnings

* Avoid negative people. If you can't avoid them, learn how to not let them get you down.
* Don't let your negative feelings control you.
* Don't confuse pessimism with depression. Depression can make everything look worse than it is.
* You can only change you. You can't change other people.
* While it is true that you create your own circumstances, accept that the past is the past. Don't let negative circumstances trigger irrational guilt.
* The past is the past. It's over. It's done. Let it go.
* Realize that it's not about what happens to you, it's about how you react to what happens.

Have a happy life :)
Gabriela

How to Build Confidence via Anchoring

Building Confidence via Anchoring

Anchoring is a way of drawing on past experiences in which you felt confident to help you cope better in the present. It's another powerful weapon in your confidence armory.

An anchor is any stimulus that consistently triggers an emotion. To use an anchor you have to:

* Generate in yourself the particular set of feelings you wish to recreate.
* Programme your subconscious to associate those feelings with specific words and gestures.
* Use those words and gestures to trigger the desired feelings when required.

Sportsmen and women use anchors continually. For example, tennis players bounce the ball repeatedly before serving to calm themselves; most runners go through an elaborate routine to centre themselves, much of which is not strictly necessary to the actual performance; and the mighty All Black rugby team go through a series of rituals before each match to intimidate the opposition and fire themselves up.

You constantly anchor feelings in the nervous system whether you like it or not, so why not learn to use this to your advantage? Using anchors you can feel calm and confident, or energized and confident whenever you wish.

* Choose an event you shortly have to face, when you need to remain calm, but you fear could bring on nervousness. Start working on your anchor a few weeks before the event. Get into the relaxed state and recall a time when you felt really calm and confident. Relive it in as much detail as possible. If you can't think of a suitable time just pretend to be confident. If you have a good imagination, your subconscious won't know the difference. When the feeling is strong, put your thumb and fingers together and gently whisper, 'Cool, calm and confident'. The stronger the feeling, the more successful will be your anchor. Affirm that every time you make this gesture and repeat these words, these same calm, confident feelings will return. This is called 'installing the anchor'.

* Just before the actual event you were rehearsing, and if necessary during it, take a deep breath, put your thumb and fingers together and repeat your chosen phrase silently or aloud. Say it with conviction. Allow the confident feelings to flow through you. This is called 'firing' the anchor.

* Alternatively, install an anchor when you experience good feelings as you go about your activities. This is effectively what athletes do when they raise their hands above their heads as they break the winning tape. If they were to do this repeatedly they would find that simply raising their hands above their heads would trigger those winning feelings.

* Practise anchoring every day until it comes easily to you. The more practice, the better.

How to Reinforce Self Esteem

Reinforcing Self Esteem

To enjoy a better life you must focus on your potential, not your limitations, and concentrate on what you do well. You must make the most of your natural aptitudes and abilities.

Of course everyone has weaknesses, and it takes courage to admit to them. But it can be equally harrowing to accept that we have our strengths and acknowledge that we have talents and personal qualities that others don't have.

This section is about your strengths and making better use of them. You'll discover you have many on which to build.

The world is full of unsuccessful people who have talent but lack confidence and tenacity, who feel that no matter how good they are at something, someone else is bound to be better. Don't be one of them.

* Head a page of your notebook 'My strengths'. Now write down all your good points, everything you like about yourself. For example, are you a good communicator? A good cook? A talented artist or musician? Good with numbers? Handy with tools or good at fixing things? A sympathetic listener? Don't hold back. Keep writing until you've thought of at least two dozen. Add to your list over the next few days whenever you think of a new strength.

* Write down this sentence: 'I like myself most when.' Quickly, without thinking about it too hard, write down the first thoughts that come into your head and add them to your list of strengths.

* List your strengths as your partner or best friend would see them.

* Go through your list of strengths, and for each consider:
- How can I make good/better use of this?
- How can I do or use more of this?
- How can I do/use it more often?
- Write your answers in your notebook. Think about them. You may wish to amend your goals in the light of these new insights.

* Make a list of personal qualities you wish to develop or acquire. Begin by making up affirmations that encapsulate the kind of person you wish to become. For example, 'Every day in every way I become more and more patient. ' Use your affirmations every day.

How to Build Self Esteem

Building Self Esteem

Some people think it's a sin to love yourself. They consider those who love themselves to be selfish, conceited and rather unpleasant. But they're mistaken. They confuse self-love with false pride and narcissism (being in love with yourself ) which is quite a different matter. Vanity and arrogance are usually a form of bravado engaged in by people who love themselves too little and are trying to cover it up.

If you don't love yourself you'll have no sense of self-worth, and no feeling of acceptance or belonging.

Furthermore, your capacity for loving others is directly related to how much love you have for yourself. You can't share anything you don't have. How can you truly love another if you don't feel worthy of giving and receiving love? Impossible.

The belief that you need to be different from how you are in order to be loved causes a great deal of misery. Unless you are happy within, you'll never be truly satisfied with what you do. Loving yourself unconditionally is the key to happiness. But you don't have to be perfect: the most loved person in the world makes mistakes! You don't even have to do your best. You don't have to prove anything. You're all right because you're all right, and lovable exactly as you are.

* Reflect on your attitude to loving yourself. Is it OK to love yourself? Or do you consider it sinful? Arrogant? Conceited? If so, from where does this attitude come?

* Write down this sentence: 'If only I were... then I'd be lovable.' Quickly, without thinking about it too hard, fill in the gap with whatever comes to mind. Examine what you've written. Does it really make sense?

* Regularly pamper yourself. Treat yourself to an occasional massage, aromatherapy, sauna, a long soak in the bath, reflexology, a manicure, whatever you fancy. Not only does it help recharge your batteries, but it also reminds you that you deserve the very best.

* Use these affirmations: 'I am worthy of all the good in my life.' 'I am open and accepting of myself and others.' 'I am loving, lovable and loved.' 'I feel warm and loving towards myself at all times.'

* Practice TFM - Time For Me. Make time for yourself every day, for relaxing, doing as you please, having fun. This sends a powerful message to the subconscious that you deserve it and you're worth it. Besides, if you don't make time for yourself, who else is going to make time for you?

How to Overcome Low Self Esteem

Overcoming Low Self Esteem

Your self-image began to take shape even before you left the cradle and was pretty well established by the time you reached the age of 8.

By then, on average, you had already received over 70,000 negative dictates: 'Don't do that', 'No you can't', 'Who do you think you are?' 'You'll never make anything of yourself,' and so on. Most of these were run of the mill reprimands to which adults attach little importance; but they affect a child deeply and the accumulated effect can be devastating.

The means by which a person molds the behavior of another using a combination of reward and punishment is termed conditioning. You experienced plenty of it as a child, much of it negative. Very few young people reach adulthood without having their confidence dented in some way.

Once you understand your conditioning you can unravel the knots, dispense with the ropes that tied you down and leave them behind forever.

* The means by which a person molds the behavior of another using a combination of reward and punishment is termed conditioning. You experienced plenty of it as a child, much of it negative. Very few young people reach adulthood without having their confidence dented in some way. Once you understand your conditioning you can unravel the knots, dispense with the ropes that tied you down and leave them behind forever.

* When were your parents or guardians most proud of you? When were they least proud? How has this affected you? When (if they are still living) are they most proud of you nowadays? When are they least proud? How does this affect you today?

* Where did helping you to build your confidence and self-esteem rank on your parents' or guardians' list of priorities? Did they praise you often? Criticize constructively? Were they generous with their time? Or preoccupied with other things, like enforcing the house rules or pursuing their own interests? Make notes on how this affected you.

How to Develop Assertiveness Skills

Developing Assertiveness Skills

Even if you've never considered yourself to be assertive, mastering a few basic techniques soon starts to reap untold rewards.

* Decide to become more assertive.
* Think like an assertive person, and think of yourself as one.
* Imagine yourself behaving assertively and being treated accordingly.
* Act assertively. Start by taking small steps. Keep going until the uncomfortable feelings fade.
* Use these affirmations: 'I think, speak and act assertively at all times.' 'I used to be passive, but all that is changing. I am becoming more assertive every day.'
* Mentally rehearse potentially difficult situations. 'Imagine' and 'feel' yourself handling them assertively. 'See' others responding accordingly.
* Practice assertive non-verbals. Be aware of the non-verbal signals you give out:

1. Talk unhurriedly, with a clear, steady tone.
2. Make a habit of taking slightly more time to reply.
3. Give relaxed eye contact: not too much, not too little.
4. Avoid fidgeting, scratching, and touching your hair and face.

* Make your point clearly, with conviction, and don't waffle. Then shut up. If you don't succeed straight away, say it again, and if necessary keep repeating it. Change the wording if you wish, but not the message. Stay calm and don't allow yourself to be sidetracked.

* Sign up for an assertiveness course. Make sure it offers plenty of opportunity to practise with other people. If this is not possible, buy an eduactional video or set of audio tapes on assertiveness, and apply it!

How to gain Self Confidence

Gaining Self Confidence

As the greatest and wisest teachers have always taught, improving the quality of your thoughts improves your life almost immediately:

* The Bible quotes King Solomon: 'As a man thinketh, so shall he be.'
* The Buddhist text, The Dhammapada, states: 'We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.'
* The Greek philosopher Socrates said, 'To find yourself, think for yourself.'

When you think like a confident person, you automatically feel more confident and act more confidently. Positive thinkers are the happiest and most successful. Sometimes all it takes to change your life forever is a single thought!

Humans are not robots: you can intentionally choose how to think, and if you are serious about building your confidence you must start changing your thinking patterns without delay.

* When you think like a confident person you feel more confident and act more confidently, so commit yourself to taking charge of your thoughts. Write this sentence on a small card and repeat it to yourself, with conviction, several times a day: 'I am a positive thinker - I think and talk confidently at all times.'
* Consider: Are you a negative thinker? A killjoy? Do you find it difficult to think positively? Does your conversation often take on an air of doom and gloom? This awareness is critical to your wellbeing now and in the future, so be totally honest with yourself.
* Promise yourself that from now on you will never:
- Put yourself down.
- Say you can't.
- Say that what you want is impossible.
- Tell yourself that you are incapable of learning anything new.
* Practice making sentences which start with assertive statements such as 'I can', 'I am', 'I want', '1 do', and 'I choose'.

* 'Yes!' is one of the most powerful affirmations you can make. Say it often, with enthusiasm. Display it in big letters on your Wall of Confidence. Say it whenever a new opportunity comes your way. And - try this and notice the difference it makes - say it with relish when you face a difficult problem or challenge.

Self Motivation Techniques

Effective Self Motivation Techniques

Building confidence takes time, patience and effort. You will have to take a few risks. At times you will feel anxious. How can you motivate yourself to put up with the discomfort and persevere? We humans are motivated by:

* A want or need which induces tension. Only if these are unsatisfied can there be motivational power.
* Perceptions of 'pleasure' and 'pain'. We seek pleasure and are driven by a desire to avoid pain.
* Hopes and expectations that we can get what we want, and that everything will come right in the end.

The strongest motivation comes from a passionate desire for something pleasurable, coupled with the avoidance of pain.

The best way to motivate yourself is to set yourself some worthy goals, find plenty of reasons why you want to accomplish them, and keep in mind the consequences of failure - which is what you are about to do.

* Ask yourself, 'What am I trying to achieve by believing I lack confidence?' Write down the answers. A difficult one, this. You may have to be more honest with yourself than you're used to; but don't skip over it just because it makes you feel uncomfortable - your answers may illuminate and surprise you.

* Write down this sentence: 'If I had an excellent self-image and total confidence in my abilities, I would...' Write down whatever comes to mind.

* Take each item on your list and make it a firm goal. Write it in the form: 'My goal is to...' Commit yourself unreservedly to working towards these goals.

* Make yourself very comfortable, either sitting or lying down. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and allow your imagination to flow freely. Imagine you have accomplished the goals you set yourself. Visualize them coming true in every detail. How do you feel? When you open your eyes write down any thoughts that come into your head.

* Think of something you can do as a first step towards each, one action you can take to get the ball rolling - even if it's just making a short phone call or reading a relevant magazine article - and do it now. No exceptions, no excuses!